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How to Disappear from Work Without Getting Fired

By Akindamola Akintola, Heirs Holdings

HHPeople Editorial by HHPeople Editorial
May 2, 2025
in Features
0

Over the years, I’ve somehow earned the title of Leave Plan Maestro. How did I get so good at maximising my time off? Simple. Strategy and forecasting.

 

First, meet the “Rama-Easter Gap”.

This is the window between Ramadan and Easter where, with some clever planning, you can swing a 10 to 12-day vacation, while only using a handful of leave days. During really good years, you could simply take five days off and end up with a 12-day vacation — the black hole. Time slows down, Ramadan turns into weekend, weekend into paid leave, leave into another weekend, weekend into Easter. At some point, your colleagues might even think you’ve gone on maternity leave.

 

Next, beware of “The Great Famine”.

“The Great Famine” is that brutal stretch between Eid-el-Kabir and Independence Day where — if you’re not careful — you’ll face nearly three straight months with no public holidays in sight. If Eid happens after June 12 and Eid-el-Maulud falls into October (like in 2020 through 2022), prepare for the drought. In the coming years, the tentative dates for Eid el Maulud are as early as July (2029 and 2030). I know this because I plan, I look at the forecast. Be like me. You can plan your leave, two years in advance. Grab the good dates before your relief officer, who is also reading this article, does.

 

Now for the controversial bit: I never take leave in December.

Even when I worked in organisations that stayed open through the holidays, December was never appealing for time off. Why? Because by then, things have already slowed to a crawl. Appraisals are done. People are ‘onwa December-ing’ up and down. There’s less pressure — exactly how I like it. Why waste precious leave days.

 

So, what do I do with all this carefully hoarded leave?

Well… I try to rest. Try being the keyword. I have a theory that Africans are genetically hardwired to resist proper rest. Even after death, we’re still expected to show up to work as ancestors.

 

When I’m not failing at resting, I travel, go on dates, visit family, and indulge in all kinds of (mostly harmless) shenanigans. By the time I resume work, I’m often a chaotic, overfed, slightly feral version of myself. But hey — that’s the price of living.

 

Final thought? Nigeria needs more public holidays.

I’m grateful to our Christian and Muslim brethren for always coming through just when burnout starts creeping in. But what about the other gods? Don’t they deserve a two-day holiday too?

 

If you want to learn more, don’t worry, my Leave Plan Masterclass (LP101) is coming soon. Enrollment fee: Amala, ogufe, shaki and two lungs.

 

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About Heirs Holdings

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We are an African proprietary investment company driving Africa’s development through long-term investments in key sectors. We operate businesses that rank among the top three in their sectors

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