Like many, I dread the sound of my alarm in the morning. It’s a sound that evokes a range of emotions, from anger to despair. It feels like every morning after my alarm rings for work, I go through the 5 stages of grief.
The first stage is denial, and it’s a big one. When that alarm goes off at 6:00 am, I hit snooze and pretend like it never happened. At 6:15 am when it rings again, I convince myself that I can sleep for an additional 15 minutes, and still make it into the office on time. After all, the goal is to arrive just before 8:00 am, not arrive first. But alas, the reality sets in, and I realise that I must get up and face the day.
The second stage is anger, and it’s a powerful one. I remember that I’m not a trust fund or nepo baby, so I need to go to work to be able to eat and back up my baby girl lifestyle. I feel a surge of anger toward everyone and everything. I feel angry toward myself for having morals because there are less stressful ways to get money. I feel angry toward my job for not buying into the concept of hybrid or remote working, and at the government for not implementing a 4-day work week. Last, last, the anger touches everyone. By the time I’m done taking a shower, I look at the mirror, take a deep sigh, and grumble a little before unlocking phase 3.
Phase 3 is bargaining, and it’s a desperate one. As I go through my morning routine, I try to bargain with myself to make the day more bearable. I tell myself that if I don’t apply makeup today, I can get an additional 15 minutes of rest time, that at least I don’t work in a toxic place, and convince myself that I do meaningful work. I tell myself 8:00 am – 6:00 pm is just 10 hours, which is basically 1 hour in 10 places. I remind myself that I love the people I sit and work with, so once I get into the rhythm of the day it won’t be so bad. I even bargain with the universe, asking for a little luck to get me through the day, to keep me away from any “gbas, gbos”, to make the day run as fast as possible, but deep down, I know that these things won’t change the fact that I have to do actual labour. You should know labour, of any kind does not align with my fantasy.
As I drive to work feeling a sense of hopelessness or despair, thinking about all the other things I’d rather be doing than working, I pass front of my high school and depression kicks in. I drive past my high school every morning on my way to work and all I can think about is how these fraudsters sold me dreams. “You’re going to be a star!” “You’re going to do great things!” Okay, but when? All that hard work I put in years ago, only to end up here, working even harder and not living the life of my dreams?
Eventually, I remind myself that work is a necessary part of life, and the alternative is joblessness and that’s not sexy at all, which unlocks the final stage – acceptance, and it’s a peaceful one. As I arrive at the Transcorp office gate and watch it open slowly, I take a deep sigh and feel a sense of calm. I say to myself, maybe work isn’t so bad after all, and there are even some things I enjoy about it. I feel proud of myself for getting up and facing the day, even when it was tough. And as I look forward to the end of the day, I feel grateful for the opportunity to work and earn a living, to be able to play my little part in improving lives and transforming societies.
Although I know I’m going to go through this chaotic cycle the following day, I take a deep breath and remember that I’m not alone. We’re all in this together.
This is my life!