Few conversations today are as layered, contested, or emotionally charged as the conversation around masculinity. Between changing social expectations, digital culture, evolving ideas of identity, and the pressures young men quietly carry, many are still trying to figure out what modern manhood is supposed to look like.
In this interview, Temitope Somuwa speaks with Priscilla Okorie about masculinity, mentorship, discipline, identity, emotional maturity, and the importance of self-awareness in an increasingly noisy world. Thoughtful and measured in his reflections, he explores the role older generations still play in shaping young men, the growing influence of social media on identity, and why guidance, accountability, and consistency remain timeless values regardless of changing times.
Throughout the conversation, one idea remains constant: while society may continue to evolve, young men still need grounding, purpose, and a clear understanding of who they are. From lessons inherited from fathers and mentors to navigating pressure, comparison, and modern expectations, Temitope’s perspective reflects a generation attempting to balance tradition with change without completely losing itself in the process.
PO for HH People: Do you think young men today are confused about what masculinity is supposed to look like?
TS: Masculinity is basically a set of behaviours, attributes, and roles traditionally associated with boys and men. Rather than being strictly biological, it is a social construct that varies across different cultures, societies, and historical periods.
Since culture is constantly evolving, I think there is a growing confusion not only about masculinity but about identity in general. However, if society is to maintain some form of order, there should be foundational definitions of identity that remain constant regardless of changing generations. We should still be able to clearly identify a boy as a boy and a girl as a girl.
PO: What expectations do you think society places on young men that people rarely talk about?
TS: Are we sure people don’t talk about these expectations? Expectations placed on young men vary widely across cultures and generations. However, modern society increasingly places emphasis on personal growth, emotional maturity, adaptability, and self-awareness rather than the rigid expectations that traditionally defined masculinity.
PO: Is vulnerability becoming easier for men your age, or does it still feel risky?
TS: It depends on what we mean by vulnerability. If we are talking about being open about struggles, challenges, or weaknesses, I believe vulnerability becomes more necessary as you grow older because life brings increasing responsibilities and pressures. However, maturity is the ability to manage these pressures, maintain emotional control, and exercise self-discipline. The challenges and temptations may increase, but so should your capacity for self-control.
PO: What’s something older generations misunderstand about young men today?
TS: One area is how young people make a living. Today, opportunities to earn income are far more diverse than they were in previous generations. A young man who appears unconventional or does not follow the traditional path of going to an office every day may still be highly successful financially. Of course, I’m referring to legitimate means of earning a living.
PO: What’s one lesson from your father or a male mentor that has stayed with you?
TS: One lesson that has stayed with me is the saying, “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.”
The lesson behind it is simple: stop chasing perfection at the expense of what is already working. Don’t destroy what you have for what you hope to have. With consistency and dedication, what is already in your hands can become even better. I’ve applied this principle to many areas of my life.
PO: Do young men today still look for father figures, even if they don’t call them that?
TS: Honestly, I’m not sure. Social media has changed how people seek advice and guidance. Many young people now turn to online personalities, communities, AI, or search engines instead of confiding in someone older and more experienced.
A father figure is an older man who provides guidance, wisdom, protection, emotional support, and serves as a positive role model. While the need for guidance still exists, the source of that guidance may be changing.
PO: Do you think social media has helped or harmed modern masculinity?
TS: When it comes to identity, social media operates without a single cultural framework or standard. As a result, it has contributed to confusion about many aspects of identity, including masculinity. What masculinity means today can vary significantly depending on which voices or communities a person follows online.
PO: What role have mentors or older men played in your life so far?
TS: They have provided a sense of order, perspective, and stability. No matter how successful or accomplished you become, it is important to have someone who can correct you, challenge your thinking, and guide you when necessary. Experience remains one of life’s greatest teachers, and there is tremendous value in learning from those who have gone ahead of you.
PO: What’s one thing you admire about your father’s or mentors’ generation, and one thing you’d do differently?
TS: There are many qualities I admire about that generation, including humility, honour, respect, organisation, discipline, and their overall attitude towards life.
One thing I would do differently is to place greater emphasis on focus and consistency. Trying to pursue too many goals at once can lead to wasted effort and missed opportunities. Just like when picking fruit from a tree, you must decide which mango to pluck first before reaching for another.
PO: How do you personally deal with pressure, comparison, or the fear of “not becoming enough”?
TS: I have learned, and I am still learning, not to compare myself with others. That mindset helps me manage my expectations. Frustration often comes when we pursue too many goals at the same time or constantly measure our progress against someone else’s.
I try to celebrate my small wins and acknowledge my achievements, even when others may not consider them significant. Progress is still progress.
PO: What kind of male friendships do you think more men should experience?
TS: Men need friendships built on honesty and accountability. A true friend should be able to look you in the eye and tell you the truth, even when it is uncomfortable. He should be willing to caution, correct, and encourage you when necessary. It is important to have people around you who care enough not to deceive you.
PO: If you could tell young boys one thing before they grow up, what would it be?
TS: I would encourage them to focus on self-discovery.
Understanding who you are helps you build a solid foundation for life. It creates self-awareness and confidence, allowing you to navigate the expectations of society, peers, family, and culture without losing your sense of identity.
