For many men, masculinity is something they learn long before they fully understand it.
The expectations arrive early: be strong, stay composed, figure things out, do not show too much emotion. Over time, those expectations can quietly shape how men relate to themselves, to friendship, to vulnerability, and even to love. But increasingly, more men are beginning to question whether strength has to come at the expense of emotional honesty.
In this edition of the HH People Cover Interview, Damilare Ogundeyi of Avon Medical speaks with Adeoye Falade about masculinity, emotional expression, fatherhood, loneliness, male friendship, and the pressure many men carry in silence. Reflective and deeply personal in parts, the conversation explores what it means to unlearn certain ideas of manhood while still holding on to responsibility, discipline, and purpose.
From growing up in environments where emotional openness was limited, to building safer emotional spaces for his own children, Damilare reflects on the ways men are slowly redefining strength for themselves and for the next generation. Throughout the conversation, one idea becomes clear: strength and softness are not opposites, and men, too, need spaces where they can be seen, supported, and emotionally safe without feeling like they have failed at being men.
AF for HH People: Did you ever feel pressured to perform masculinity in a certain way growing up?
DO: Yes, definitely. Growing up as a boy in Nigerian, there were expectations to be strong, be responsible, don’t be “too emotional,” figure things out. Masculinity sometimes felt like something you had to perform instead of something you understood. But as I grew older, I realised being a man isn’t about proving toughness every day. It’s about character, responsibility, kindness, and how you treat people.
AF: What helped you become comfortable with who you are as a man?
DO: I will say growth and self-awareness. I stopped looking at myself from the lens of the society on who a man should be. I focused on becoming a better version of myself. Being able to chart my own path and lead in my own way gave me confidence in who I am.
AF: Did the men who raised or guided you make it easy for you to express yourself emotionally?
DO: Well, no, there was no room to be emotional. A lot of men from previous generations showed love more through sacrifice and provision than emotional openness. So, I learnt strength, commitment, discipline, and responsibility, but emotional expression sometimes had to be figured out personally later in life.
AF: As a father, what kind of emotional environment would you want your children to grow up in?
DO: I am building a safe environment for my children, an environment where they are heard, and not judged. I want them to know they can express themselves without fear of being dismissed. The environment will still instil discipline, values, and also warmth. I want them to know strength and softness can coexist.
AF: Do you think men today are freer emotionally than previous generations?
DO: Answer: Yes, to some extent. We’ve seen more men come out to speak about what they have been through or are going through, therapy is less stigmatised, vulnerability is becoming more accepted. Even though when those conversations are out, we still see comments like ‘Why is he crying/talking’. This kind of comments still puts pressure on other men who are yet to share their stories, they still feel they must “hold it together” all the time. So, we’ve improved, but we still have work to do.
AF: What’s one stereotype about men you wish would disappear completely?
DO: Childbearing experience. That men don’t feel deeply especially during childbirth. We do. We just express it differently, or we’ve been conditioned to man up and suppress it. Strength shouldn’t mean silence.
AF: How important are male friendships in your life, really?
DO: Very important, more than men sometimes admit. Good male friendships give perspective, accountability, support, and even healing. But I think many men struggle to go beyond surface-level friendships, where everything is jokes and vibes.
AF: Have you ever experienced loneliness in a room full of people?
DO: Yes, I have. Especially when carrying responsibilities or expectations nobody sees. I feel everyone just wants the man to get things done and never considered what the man is going through. That kind of loneliness is real.
AF: What’s something men need more of from each other besides banter?
DO: Honest check-ins. Real conversations. More real “How are you really doing?” and less pretending everything is fine. Sometimes men just need someone to sit with them in whatever they’re carrying without trying to fix everything immediately.
AF: When was the last time another man genuinely showed up for you emotionally?
DO: I’ve had moments where a friend checked in genuinely or offered perspective during stressful periods, and it mattered more than they probably realised. I remembered when I was going through my TTC period, a friend called me out of the blues and asked a very deep question, ‘Damilare, what’s happening? What’s going on?’ I broke down sharing with him the weight of that period and the things I have been through. He offered me great counsel and support; I will never forget. Sometimes the support may not be loud, but it’s consistency, presence, or someone simply reminding you that you’re not carrying everything alone.
AF: What parts of yourself are you still learning to accept or unlearn?
DO: The idea that I always must have everything figured out. I’m learning that growth is ongoing and that asking for help, resting, or not having all the answers doesn’t make you less a man or capable.
AF: What does peace look like for you at this stage of your life?
DO: Peace looks like less drama, understanding, and alignment. Doing meaningful work, growing steadily, being surrounded by people I love, being financially and emotionally stable, and having the freedom to create, rest, and genuinely enjoy life without constantly feeling like I’m chasing the next thing or running in an endless circle.
