Valentine’s Day often spotlights romantic love, but let’s talk about a slightly less popular type of love for a minute – self-love.
This is not just a trendy buzzword; it’s a powerful journey of understanding, acceptance, and growth. While it’s been recently propelled by psychotherapy, western media, and even a Netflix movie or two, many still struggle to grasp its true essence. Self-love is not about fleeting indulgences or masking insecurities with expensive purchases. It is beyond splurging on massages, fancy dinners, or a hallmark pass to buying an expensive pair of shoes. Rather, self-love is about digging deeper, uncovering your value, and nurturing the person staring back at you in the mirror.
Last year, I journeyed a little deeper into what it meant to truly love myself and ironically, this sojourn was triggered by my toughest heartbreak yet. The “beautiful” thing about breakups (pun intended) is the introspection they trigger. You get ‘served’ and suddenly, clarity, drive, and a burning desire for self-discovery emerge. So, whether you are heartbroken, single, loved up, or simply curious about self-love, here are my five handpicked keys to unlocking it:
- Embrace your big feelings: In the early days of the breakup, I was shocked by the size of my feelings. As a founding member of ‘The Hard Girl Nation’ (THGN), I never imagined I could feel all those things I felt and naturally, I stifled them. They were strange, unfamiliar, and put me out of my depth. Denying their existence only prolonged the pain as you can imagine. Loving yourself fully means embracing every part of your emotional spectrum. Learn to name your feelings, accept them as valid and let them flow – journaling, therapy, or a trusted friend can help. Feel it all, unapologetically.
- Seek and receive help: Self-love isn’t about being strong and independent all the time; it’s about knowing when to ask for help and accepting it with open arms. When you are at your wit’s end, lost in a roundabout of confusion, don’t hesitate to seek help. Whether it’s a confidential ear or professional therapy, self-love demands you prioritise your well-being. It is in accepting that the company of others makes you feel better and realising that having a friend validate your emotions can kickstart your healing. It is not just in your head, you know. So, this Valentine, do not try to self-soothe all the way. Lean into someone and open your heart to that big, warm embrace. You deserve it.
- Find your voice, use it: My best friend’s sudden departure left me reeling in pain and feeling silenced. I felt what I now know as shame – how did I not see it coming? It didn’t help that our mutual friend immediately took their side and requested I let it go for peace to reign. I felt dismissed, silenced, and almost subdued. In the coming days, I soon realised my voice mattered. Whether it’s through journaling, talking to someone you trust, or simply asserting yourself in uncomfortable situations, remember, your story deserves to be heard. Love yourself enough to claim your voice and share your narrative.
- Set and enforce boundaries: Have you ever felt disrespected, disregarded, or dismissed by those you care about? Chances are, they crossed a line, even if you were not aware of it. 2023 was my baptism by fire in setting and enforcing personal boundaries. I identified the sore points in my relationships and realised that communicating my needs upfront and enforcing those boundaries was key to my emotional well-being. It is not about being demanding; it is about respecting yourself and taking ownership of your emotional space. Don’t be afraid to walk away from situations or relationships that disrespect your needs. Saying “no” is a powerful act of self-love.
- Explore the unfamiliar: We often cling to familiar scenarios, people, and comfort zones, even if they are detrimental to our growth. Self-love, however, requires venturing beyond our comfort bubbles. Take solo trips, try new hobbies, join a dating site, send a DM to someone you want to be friends with, learn a language, or attend a party alone. Embrace the vulnerability and discover who you are in unfamiliar territories. Extend compassion and understanding to yourself as you navigate these new paths. You found safety and love before; you will find it again.
Self-love is real, achievable, and a journey worth taking. You are worthy, deserving, and capable of incredible things. This Valentine’s Day, whether coupled or single, look in the mirror and celebrate the amazing person you are. I love what I see when I look, now, tell me, do you love what you see?
