The Art of Email War

As a renowned Corporate Baddie, looooool, I’ve seen many things in my short 5+ years of paid employment. Never have I ever, worked in an organization that did not have Email warriors with their own unique twist. The best part about the life we live is that on some days, you really think you have seen it all but trust your colleagues to say, “Hold my beer”.

Every day we wake up with hopes to make a difference with the work of our hands but not every day is smooth sailing. I will admit, the most entertaining moments of work life for me are the tense ones. By the way, violence is never the answer and I do not support it in any way, but for every gbas there is a corresponding gbos.

If you are overly observant like me, you would pick up on how your colleagues correspond via official communication channels. Some of us deploy similar approaches and might belong to the same group chat, but from my experience, I’ve identified the following;

Scaredy-cats
The scaredy cats shake like fish out of water the moment they receive a heavy email. They’re the ones who consult all ministries above and beyond before responding to certain emails. Don’t blame them, they just don’t want to say or do the wrong thing or even ruffle any feathers.

Upcoming Baddies
Of course, yesterday’s scaredy cats. Now they’ve been confirmed, and they have started learning how to send you emails starting with directives “Dear Nnamdi, you are to close out on…failure to do this…”. Hello? Nnamdi is flabbergasted.

Off Screen gods
I often argue that these are the real OGs because they don’t do text or screen activity, it’s on sight. If you send an unclear email, they will clarify with you face to face. As colleagues, meaningful dialogue never fails.

The Bridget Bemas
Now these guys, define the phrase “one man army”. They also serve as delegates so engage them in an email war at your own risk. If you think copying all team members including the team lead will subdue them, you are sadly mistaken. They will respond to you swiftly; with data and an expose you did not see coming. They will also be kind enough to assist you in cc’ing the MD and HR. If they go down, be rest assured everybody is going down with them. They don’t fear the fire, they simply become it.

Delegators
These colleagues know their capacity and choose their battles wisely. They are also very strategic as they do not directly engage in email wars. They thank you for your email and loop in their Bridget Bema for wholistic input. What a set up.

Wizkid FC
Two words, don’t bother. Employees in this category always choose silence. CC the whole company if you wish, just don’t look forward to hearing from them because you won’t. They will engage you in the office as though it is business as usual.

CC Crew
They never participate in email violence in any shape or form, they just always happen to be in copy. The best!

With colleagues, every day is memorable. It is important to respect each other and engage each other kindly. We are human, conflicts will arise from time to time, but be the colleague who seeks to resolve things to achieve results as opposed to fueling the fire.