“Your colleagues are not your friends…” LOL!

I’m laughing because I hear this a lot and while I can ‘get it’, I also refuse to acknowledge it as anything other than a comedic opinion.

Why? For starters, I’m writing this after a lit weekend where I got to attend a thoroughly enjoyable wedding that my colleague invited me to.

Was he the one getting married? No. But he thought, “This wedding will be fun o. Won’t it be nice to not get my guys in on it? Oya Deoye, show.”

Boya if I was doing, “Colleagues are not my friends.” I would have missed all the small chops and after-party. What a sad loss that would have been, especially the small chops part.
That said, I am fully aware that the goal for most individuals at work is to advance in their careers (promotions, pay rises, awards, etc.). And in this career rat race, people have been burned by colleagues who have thrown them under the bus in pursuit of their goals. However, aren’t people we call friends outside work also capable of doing the same thing?

The truth is, people, will be people anywhere; whether it is at home, church or the office, we will meet both the best and worst of us. Shege isn’t bound by location so why focus on the negatives and miss out on enjoyable workplace relationships that may evolve into rewarding lifelong friendships?

In the end, I realised that one of the key reasons some people may be wary of friendships at work is because they can be difficult to navigate. Some people can also struggle with setting or respecting boundaries which apply to both work and off-work friendships. Here are five tips that can help.

1. Don’t Be Cliquey
Having a group of friends in the workplace is great but what you don’t want to do is start a secondary clique in a grown-up office. When you only hang out with a few people and don’t try to get to know others, you may alienate your other colleagues. This may end up making your job harder. Idowu is far less likely to do that favour for you if he discovers that you invited everyone but him to the beach.

So, occasionally, break the routine of only hanging out with your faves and get to know the rest of your team.

2. Don’t abuse familiarity.
Some workplaces or teams don’t have a wide age or experience gap so be careful not to blur the lines. No matter how much fun you and your manager have together, he or she is still your boss.
This doesn’t mean you can’t talk about non-work stuff or spend time together outside of the office—it just means you must be a bit more cognizant of what you choose to discuss. The same goes for being friendly with your direct reports.

3. Consideration is key.
Friendship doesn’t discriminate, but how you choose to hang out can. If, for example, your co-worker can’t do 17:59 because they have kids to care for, be open to planning some hangouts that happen out of the office.

Acknowledge the fact that while everyone may want to hang out, they’re all coming from different places, with different priorities and different backgrounds. So rather than writing people off because they don’t want to do exactly what you want to do, be flexible.

Also, some people may be like me. The chances of attending may be close to zero but send an invite anyway.

4. Always be yourself.
Real, honest connections are likelier to form and thrive when you’re yourself, not pretending to be someone else.
Sometimes we over-romanticize mystery and want people to say, “I didn’t know so and so is this fun o.” However, I think putting up a face is just plain exhausting.

Yes, you may not click with everyone you work with but that’s okay. You can click with others and still have cordial work relations with those you aren’t chummy with.

5. Don’t rush.
Not everything has to be an instant hit. Some good friendships take time. For instance, you may be only a few months into your new role and wondering why you don’t have an office husband yet.

If you don’t have close workplace connections yet or struggle with them, take your time. Also, ask yourself: Are you attending optional social events? Have you asked anyone for drinks? Are you sitting at your desk all day with your headphones on? Could it be that you’re unintentionally sending the message that you’re not at work to make friends?

Maybe that works for you and that’s fine. What I do know is that forming meaningful connections with your colleagues can make difficult days at work bearable, while also making your life outside work better.