Maryamu Aminu
This month we celebrate Father’s day. So, it’s worth taking a moment to reflect on what in fact makes a father. For one thing, they are (likely) male and likely to be bigger and physically stronger than your other parent- your mother. They are likely to be the one half of your genetic pool that didn’t actually have to cart you around in their distended belly for 40 weeks, only to have you spit up milk on their clean clothes for the next two years.
A couple of decades ago, it would have been easier to identify your father (or step-father) based on the roles he played, or functions performed, in the family. And with every decade, we look back, it would get even easier. For instance, it would almost certainly have been your father who paid your school fees. He would have had the car or, in the case of well off families, the bigger of the cars. He would have had the job or the higher paying job outside the home.
He would be the one who doesn’t cook, mend clothes or braid your hair. He was the parent you were less familiar with, feared more and would be more likely to obey. The sentence, “I’m going to tell you father” would more likely influence your next action than “Your mother is going to hear about this.” And of course, he got the best piece of chicken or beef in the pot.
If I’m honest, I do remember my father paying my tuition, being the bread winner etc. But I also remember him cutting my nails, one of my less pleasant childhood memories. I also remember that my high school principal liked to call him, and not my mother, to complain that I hadn’t braided my hair to conform with school rules. And I remember him bursting into the bedroom that I shared with my sister and cousin, at 7:00 a.m. every last Saturday of the month, to declare it was “a pig-sty” and that we all had to observe environmental sanitation indoors, as well as outdoors (Thank you IBB)!
He also helped me pack my suitcase to return to boarding school each term, and admonished me to “force the bag, not the zip!” to close it. Essentially, my father was a nagging mother, on top of his government job that really should have kept him too busy to be inspecting my nails while I was sleeping.
His behavior was clearly not entirely in keeping with the traditional roles I described earlier. However, so much has changed in the world today! No one would find that behavior unusual. Today, a mother may hold the title of doctor, whilst the father holds the title of lawyer, today Daddy might earn big bucks and mommy might earn even bigger bucks. Mom might make great Egusi, but Dad’s Fried Rice could be unbeatable. Dad could change the baby’s diaper while Mom coaches your soccer team. Dad could be COO to Mom’s CEO. So, in the world we find ourselves, what makes a father? Has the de-emphasis on traditional gender roles in the family affected the family? Has it done so adversely? Are children whose Dads made dinner and whose Moms worked late scarred for life? Can you immediately tell the difference in how two young people of the same age grew up? Do we need to modify our expectations and KPIs to accommodate this new societal normal?
