They say kids never understand how important their fathers are till they become their own adults and begin to encounter the challenges they go through every day for them.
I am one of those kids.
My adulthood has driven me to conclude that I spent my adolescence misunderstanding my father.
My father seemed to be one of the toughest people I knew. He was stern, never home and put a great amount of pressure on me growing up. A lot of times I felt he disliked me or that he was being harsh.
However, these days, I have grown to understand his emotions.
I mean, could there have been a better approach that involved dialogue and compromise?
Yes, sure. Nevertheless, his method was also just as effective.
My father was stern because life shows no mercy. It’s a Charles Darwin world: only the strongest survive.
Strength for him going by conventional standards of his youth was to show no weakness, never back down, never rest, never cry, and never give excuses. He needed me to have these traits because he wanted me to survive.
My father was never home because he had to provide. He grew up being reminded that he was the man and my feeding and care solely rested on his shoulders. He loved me and he wanted me to have the world, so he had to leave home every day to ensure that I had it. I never understood his absence as a child but now that I see how hard it is to put food on the table, I have the greatest amount of respect for him.
My father never gave up. He showed up every day; sick, sad, and tired he had to work so his “Adaeze” would have the best things life had to offer.
My father put pressure on me because no matter how well I was doing he was convinced that I could do better. There was nothing he felt I was incapable of achieving and he never wanted me to slack and be distracted. He saw so much potential in me even down to things I did not notice myself.
According to my father no one was better than me and he was willing to shout this at the top of the mountains after he had taken me there.
I did not always see my father like this but becoming an independent adult has given me a reality check and now all I feel for him is intense gratitude and love.
So, I want end this with a quote by Margaret Truman that speaks to me on my relationship with my father: “It’s only when you grow up and step back from him — or leave him for your own home — it’s only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.”
