Does the feeling of responsibility ever go away as a father?
The word “responsibility” gained more momentum as I became more independent.
As the first son, I knew some things were inevitable. I recall my university days, two of my younger siblings had concluded their secondary education and were trying to gain admission into a higher institution. I was saddled with the responsibility of obtaining their JAMB forms, registering them for their JAMB lessons, taking them to their examination centers and checking their results. This was because my parents lived a great distance away and I was the closest direct relative they had as I attended a university in Lagos. At this point I came to the realization of the role I played.
After they completed their tertiary education and began their job hunting, all three siblings “checked into” my small apartment. I would send them monthly allowances; ensure they were fed and clothed. Sometimes, I would return from work by 9/10pm and if someone wasn’t home yet, I get anxious and call. “All hell breaks loose” worrying when I am unable to reach them and would not sleep until they are home safe.
As a father or father figure, you never stop feeling responsible. If at this stage my dad still calls to check in and ask after my well-being, then I don’t think that feeling ever goes away.
It’s a father’s dream for you to be better than him in every and any aspect. They go out all day working hard while sacrificing their time and happiness to ensure the best for their kids. They don’t get rewards, compliments, praise nor do they seek them. They want you to be happy and are genuinely happy and fulfilled once they see this materialized.
Being a father is an innate joy in itself. A father would always feel a cloud of inadequacy when he is unable to provide, protect and shelter his family even when circumstances are beyond his control.
As most fathers spend too much time working to provide for their families rather than with their families, I believe fathers need to enjoy growing up with their kids more and be present for milestones. Not just being physically present but also living in the moment. We might be seen as “the less favorite parent”, always absent (due to work exigencies), lacking emotions (as someone needs to be strong for the family); however, we will willingly take these labels and make these sacrifices for the family as long as we put a smile on your face.
As long as you’re happy, we’re happy!
