Everyone has something they don’t like and it could be as serious as lying to something as trivial as chewing loudly. I’ve got a few as well, even though I’m too lazy to be emotionally invested in generating the commensurate degree of annoyance to address most.
Here goes…
Always seeking activity
No, Patricia, we don’t have to do anything! It might seem crazy but I can actually plan to do absolutely nothing. You need to see me grinning with glee on the verge of a weekend where I’ve sabotaged every plan to go anywhere. I just want to stay home, play Call of Duty, drink in between and sleep! This is when somebody will now buzz you and say, “Hafa nau, nothing is happening at your end? Let’s go out and chill nau…”
No, Patricia, If I was any more chill, global warming wouldn’t be an issue. I’m not just lying here, saying, “Oh look, see how wide open my weekend is! Now let me fill it up with activities I’m going to regret engaging in, come Monday.” I dey my house and I’m not complaining about a lack of activity so leave me be.
And this brings me to my next peeve…
Interrupting my sleep
People who do this have a death wish and it bothers me because I’m supposed to be the crazy one. I once said somewhere that inviting people over without knowing if they’ll be fine by themselves while you take a brief nap is a serious concern. I don’t know how else to say it: I love my sleep! I don’t get enough so it’s precious to me. Somebody will now interrupt it for one silly reason?
See ehn, just die or I’ll do it myself.
Guilt-trips
No, don’t appeal to my better side. Don’t use wonky logic to try and get me to do something — good or bad, it doesn’t matter. Don’t apply false equivalences to evoke a reaction of any sort from me. Just. Don’t.
We see it everywhere. You’re in church and after two offerings and four special collections, someone mounts the pulpit for another round of fundraising and says, “That N1,000 you use in buying data will be better spent on contributing to our project. You see, brothers and sisters, it’s for everyone’s benefit.”
Yes, my brother, I agree with you. But you see this N1,000 in my wallet? Nothing you say will stop me from buying that data so I can burn it watching twerking videos on Instagram.
It could also be when someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time reaches out to you first and then goes, “Na wa o, you just forgot me…”
Nah fam, you forgot your damn self. Just greet me and go live your life abi what kind of gbegiri on top of rice reasoning is that?
Beating around the bush
Except you’re trying to flush out a pet rodent, don’t do this for both our sakes. I’m very patient but I won’t just chill while you lead me through a maze before telling me what exactly you want or why you need my attention.
Funny enough, this happens on social media a lot. Someone says “Hi”, you say “Hi”, then they say “Hello” and you respond, then they say, “Good morning…” Please dear, will you greet me to death? WTF do you want?!
So, don’t be unfortunate; just say it! It’s not like I’ll bite or anything.
Telling me to ‘calm down’
Dear Patricia, what you’ve just done is empty a bucket of gasoline over smouldering coal and I hope to god that the fury you’ve unleashed barbeques your dumb ass.
Nowhere in the history of calming down has telling people to ‘calm down’ actually gotten them to calm down. Never forget that.
I could go on but I’ll probably end up saying that how someone breathes is annoying so what’s yours? I’d like to know.
Bye!
