Whenever I meet young women, certain questions tend to come up, like – how do you do it? How do you manage work, family and yourself? The curiosity and disbelief from balancing motherhood and career life are always so recurrent that one of my colleagues calls me ‘Super Woman.’
Well, as you can see, I have no superpowers, but I like to think that my experiences while growing up played a role in preparing me for where I am today.
So, let’s backtrack a little.
As a child, I was very precocious and daring, traits fully encouraged by my father. I started nursery school at the age of 2, having run out of the car into a classroom when my older brothers were being dropped off at school. I bluntly refused to leave, so I was allowed to stay the day and as fate would have it, I adapted so well that an exception was made and I was admitted into nursery 1 at the age of 2, still wearing diapers and carrying a milk bottle!
You are probably wondering, what has any of this backstory got to do with managing motherhood and career?
I really believe that my childhood traits of refusing to take no for answer, stubbornly pushing myself forward, defying the norms of traditional gender expectations and proving that anything was possible if you work hard for it, are what has been playing out in my life today. Also, and I cannot overemphasise this, there is the grace of God.
Now more practically, there are a few things to be aware of in trying to manage a career and a home:
- Clarity of Purpose –I have always been clear about wanting to have a successful career and a successful family life at the same it. So, it has always been a genius of and for me and never a scenario of either or. You need to be clear about what you want in life. Keep in mind that your journey is your journey and yours alone. For me, with that clarity of purpose, there is almost nothing that comes up in the way of my work and my life that I have not been able to manage
- Belief in Self – You are your greatest cheerleader. Believe that you can do it and then just go ahead to do it. Self-doubt, whilst good in certain circumstance, lest one becomes brash, can be dangerous if not properly managed. You need to believe in yourself and encourage yourself to deliver the best.
- Support System – As a career mum, you need a strong support system. This can be family or a system that you pay for. When I was just starting out, I relied on a creche and home-help system; this way, if for any reason my home-help was unavailable, I could rely on the creche and if I cannot take the kids to the creche, I had the home system. It got to a point where I decided to have 2 home staff, though it meant spending a sizeable chunk of my income on managing this.
- Spousal support – It would have been near impossible to attain the heights I have attained in my career without the support of my spouse. Note that I got married at 23 and had my first child at 24. My husband has been a partner in every sense of the word and has supported my growth including insisting I take a break from work to get my Masters degree and accepting the job offer with UBA, which has become the most pivotal turn in my work career.
- Strong Discipline – You have to be disciplined and focused on your goals and what you need to do. Keep in mind that you cannot be all things to all men, or as the popular saying goes – everyone will not like you, you are not Jollof Rice! LOL. You need to know how to set goals and stick to them. A lack of discipline is a sure-fire way of failing as career mum.
I’ll leave it here though there is so much more I want to say because I feel the urgency of young women who seek these answers. But I’ll leave the rest until my next post, next month. Until then, keep living your best life.
