I once read somewhere that we live in a world of false dichotomies \u2014 left brain vs. right brain, nature vs. nurture, etc. That much is obvious and for me, the most annoying and persistent myth is the distinction between \u201calpha\u201d and \u201cbeta\u201d males.<\/p>\n
According to a bunch of people out there whose only claim to knowledge on masculinity is a reliance on pseudoscience, \u201cAlpha\u201d males are those at the top of the social status hierarchy. Alphas are typically described as the \u201creal men.\u201d while the \u201cBeta\u201d males, seen as the weak, submissive, subordinate guys are the ones with low status, and only get in relationships once women decide to settle down and go searching for a \u201cnice guy.\u201d
\nBy this logic, Ladipo from Ikorodu who turns off his data just so he doesn\u2019t run out of the N3,000 internet he subscribes to is not a real man.
\nBut I digress. I have four questions before I continue\u2026<\/p>\n
1. There\u2019s no real concept of an alpha wolf in the wild, but it exists in captivity. What does it mean that men have totally taken on this identity, as being the \u2018alpha\u2019 or the \u2018alpha wolf\u2019 or \u2018alpha male\u2019 when it doesn\u2019t even really exist in nature? That it\u2019s the gold standard of being a human man \u2014 being an \u2018alpha\u2019?<\/p>\n
2. If the \u2018Alpha\u2019 idea were to have any credibility in male identity and human relationships, has anyone with half a brain considered that there can be only one male alpha in any animal social group? Just one! Wouldn\u2019t that suggest that this logic is utterly unapplicable to human beings? Abi who would you say is the alpha in your social group since you claim to be one as well?<\/p>\n
3. Has anyone considered that female alphas exist? Among wolves and bonobos (also called pygmy chimpanzees) \u2014 you have alpha female-led troops to a much greater extent. Females have much more of a say in terms of who gets what, what happens when, and all of that.<\/p>\n
4. Why are wolves and less evolved primates the identity yardstick?<\/p>\n
I think that these outdated distinctions, which were based on observations among other social animals paint a very simplistic picture of masculinity. Not only do they oversimplify how multidimensional masculinity is, but they also grossly underestimate what a man can become. In addition, these views don\u2019t even get to the heart of what women find attractive.
\nI\u2019m deliberate about that last bit \u2014 attractiveness to women \u2014 because, at the end of the day, a lot of people subscribing to the \u2018Alpha Male\u2019 school of thought consider desirability from the opposite gender as a key part of being an alpha.
\nSadly, by imposing impose just two categories of males on the world \u2014 one weak and one strong \u2014 we unnecessarily mislead young men into acting in certain predefined ways that aren\u2019t conducive to attracting and sustaining healthy and enjoyable relationships with people around them or finding success in other areas of life. By perpetuating this myth, we also perpetuate an unnecessary reward\/punishment system that has nothing to do with the actual value of our shared humanity but with how well men fit into a box. If you don\u2019t suit the template, you\u2019re insulted, bullied, and shamed, while on the other hand, embracing this set of ideals makes you celebrated and acknowledged.
\nAmong human beings, the attainment of social status, and the desirability\/attention that come along with it (never mind that in 2022, you may not even be attracted to the opposite gender), can be accomplished through compassion and cooperation just as much (if not more so) as through aggression and domination. Scholars across ethnography, ethology, sociology, and sociolinguistics believe that at least two routes to social status \u2014 dominance and prestige \u2014 arose in evolutionary history at different times and for different purposes.<\/p>\n
According to Scott Barry Kaufman, the dominance route is paved with intimidation and is fuelled by hubristic pride which, along with its associated feelings of superiority and arrogance, facilitates dominance by motivating behaviours such as aggression, hostility, and manipulation. In addition, hubristic pride is associated with arrogance, conceit, anti-social behaviours, unstable relationships, low levels of conscientiousness and high levels of disagreeableness, neuroticism, narcissism, and poor mental health outcomes.
\nIn contrast, prestige is paved with the emotional rush of accomplishment, confidence, and success, and is fuelled by authentic pride. Authentic pride is associated with pro-social and achievement-oriented behaviours, agreeableness, conscientiousness, satisfying interpersonal relationships, and positive mental health.<\/p>\n
He goes further to explain that authentic pride is associated with genuine self-esteem (considering yourself a person of value, not considering yourself superior to others). People who are confident, agreeable, hard-working, energetic, kind, empathic, nondogmatic, and high in genuine self-esteem inspire others and cause others to want to emulate them.<\/p>\n
If you ever put a man down or see him as \u2018less than\u2019 because he doesn\u2019t fit into your descriptors of manliness, now you know where your sense of self is drawing from.<\/p>\n
These two routes to male social status have also been observed among the Tsiman\u00e9 (a small-scale Amazonian society). In this society, dominance (as ranked by peers) was positively related to physical size, whereas peer-ranked prestige was positively associated with hunting ability, generosity, and the number of allies.
\nSo, who would you rather be? Someone who is kind, can listen, is firm, conscientious or someone who thinks the only way to be respected is through aggression, intimidation, and domination?<\/p>\n
Here, it\u2019s important to note that sensitivity and assertiveness are not opposites. In fact, research suggests that the combination of kindness and assertiveness might just be the most ideal pairing. Across three studies, researchers found that dominance alone didn\u2019t help men in terms of attractiveness, rather, the intersection of dominance and pro-social behaviours is what women were reported to find particularly sexually attractive. In other words, dominance only increased sexual attraction when the person was already high in agreeableness and altruism.<\/p>\n
Anyway, this shouldn\u2019t even be something to spell out but since conversations on masculinity and being an alpha focus on qualities that set men up for success and women, there you go.<\/p>\n
Also, I think that, ultimately, the alpha male idea propagates the idea that it is only right for men to be in charge. It\u2019s a promotion of the biological agenda, that men have a need to be in charge, while women have a need for men to be in charge, and that successful men are the alphas. It\u2019s a problem on so many different levels. Like, all you need to be ahead is a penis? Okay, but LOL.<\/p>\n
That said, I also think that it\u2019s healthier, in many species, to be a beta male (mind you, we\u2019ve established that this idea is nonsense among humans). You don\u2019t have nearly the same levels of stress (which can be measured through cortisol levels).<\/p>\n
According to Professor Matthew Gutmann, the author of Are Men Animals? How Modern Masculinity Sells Men Short, who has spent 30 years exploring notions of masculinity across the United States, Latin America, and China, Beta males among chimps are a lot healthier, in many respects because they don\u2019t have everyone attacking them. There are even some studies that say that they have more sex. Sadly, biologists on nature shows, generally don\u2019t care as much about them, because they don\u2019t coincide with the idea that men are in charge and should be.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s sad. Also, it does tell you that people who further the alpha male agenda don\u2019t necessarily care about you, they just care about being superior. And that\u2019s all it takes for me to say whatever anyone said about alphas and betas in relation to humans needs to be confined to your nearest trashcan. You\u2019re not a wolf or chimpanzee and dimwits on social media who only rely on data from bad science should not be telling you who you are or what kind of man you should be simply because it sounds more fanciful.
\nBe you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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