If you start reading this and have a feeling that I\u2019m probably going to slander babies for a bit, you\u2019re right. Few things get me excited and talking smack about innocent adorable bundles is one of them.<\/p>\n
Agbaya <\/em>like me.<\/p>\n Maybe it\u2019s because they don\u2019t seem to talk back but I digress (see point number 5 for clarifications).<\/p>\n I think fathers are amazing, mine being one of them; I would like to be him in the near future as well because it comes with the package. Until then, I\u2019m taking my precious time.<\/p>\n But what makes fathers what they are? Babies, first and foremost, and this is where my problem lies (I\u2019m exaggerating).<\/p>\n So, as I anticipate fatherhood, I just want to talk about some of the things that I know babies will definitely put me through.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Not only do you have to baby proof the entire house, you have to sleep with one eye open, tracking their every move. Crying may be annoying, but I believe their silence is much worse because if you happen to have a crawler, he or she just might be in your kitchen, having a bath with semo flour (but semo is trash so I guess that\u2019s okay).<\/p>\n Maybe it\u2019s just me but I can\u2019t help but feel that babies (and children under 5 by extension) know something about life that we don’t because it’s almost like they are actively trying to hurt themselves when you’re not looking.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Have you been locked in a stare down with a baby before? Jeez, if it were an adult, you\u2019d probably feel like something big is about to go down and you\u2019d brace yourself for it. In this case though, what are you bracing yourself for? Probably a cute smile or some baby chortle, which I think is an anti-climax.<\/p>\n Like, please, after this buildup, you just have to fight me.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Have you ever had to wrestle your keys from a baby\u2019s grip? How did it go? It\u2019s an experience I never want to have again and I\u2019m not exactly looking forward to it with my own rugrat when he or she shows up. It\u2019s so weird how they seem to be able to hold everything except their own bottle\u00a0 \ud83d\ude11.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n See, food is expensive in Nigeria now so I don\u2019t understand why babies would gobble stuff up and then throw it back up later on, preferably on your shirt. Pure wickedness. While at it, they just might add a dose of pee.<\/p>\n Also, for people that can\u2019t wipe their butt themselves, they poo a lot and the timing is by their standards, brilliant \u2013 just not for you. Give a baby a bath now and and putting them in a new onesie that makes them look like a million bucks. Then wait to see your best work go up in smoke as they shit all up their back mins later.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I still think babies say a lot that we\u2019re not smart to understand, which is why they cry a lot: when they\u2019re hungry, sleepy, hot, cold, growing teeth, feeling sick, etc. A baby goes, \u201cGoo goo, wj fbsfhnw.\u201d and we\u2019re there wondering what they\u2019re saying when all they\u2019re asking for is a diaper change.<\/p>\n This joke is on us and not them because we spend all our time speaking gibberish and while they may be laughing at our \u201cAbujubujubuju\u2026\u201d all they\u2019re wondering about is how many grammatical blunders we want to make before we get it right.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n So, rant done, am I looking forward to fatherhood? Meh, I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n All I know is that I\u2019ll roll with it and enjoy the craziness alongside the warm fuzzy feeling of love and pride at watching a copy of myself grow\u2026<\/p>\n \u2026while slandering them in the process.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If you start reading this and have a feeling that I\u2019m probably going to slander babies for a bit, you\u2019re right. Few things get me excited and talking smack about innocent adorable bundles is one of them. Agbaya like me. Maybe it\u2019s because they don\u2019t seem to talk back but I digress (see point number […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":6833,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6794","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-features"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6794","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6794"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6794\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6832,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6794\/revisions\/6832"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6833"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6794"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6794"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6794"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n
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