Driving in Lagos, especially during rush hour, is an extreme sport. By now, you know I like lists, right? So, here is a list of some of the drivers I\u2019ve seen on Lagos roads.<\/p>\n
Slow Drivers<\/em><\/strong>: These ones just drive slowly. They don\u2019t have anywhere important to be. They just take their\u00a0sweet sweet<\/em>\u00a0time. Sometimes, you think you can go with their flow, but they drive super slow. I\u2019m not even talking about the rickety buses, cabs, trailers and tankers. I\u2019m talking about the regular,\u00a0nothing-wrong-with-his-car-Tony<\/em>\u00a0who just decides to get on the road when he has nowhere important to be. The annoying part is they are almost always on the fast lane. Move out of the way, Tony!<\/p>\n Fast Drivers<\/em><\/strong>: Fast drivers are quite the opposite. They drive like they have an appointment with death or another super urgent appointment. They literally fly over potholes and bumps, they drive dangerously close to trailers and tankers, they switch from lane to lane before you can say Jack Robinson. They are just\u00a0a bit<\/em>\u00a0much,\u00a0a lot<\/em>\u00a0much actually. Like\u00a0much much<\/em>! It\u2019s better to just get out of their way. I have been this driver once really and it was when I had a super urgent appointment. An extremely bad diarrhea that wanted to disgrace my ancestors and me. I flew, fam! I did a 20 minutes journey in like 7 minutes. I was literally flying over bumps with reckless abandon. Thankfully, I made it home. But it was a battle. Let\u2019s just thank God for life.<\/p>\n Nice Drivers<\/strong>: They are a bit like the slow drivers because if you are behind them, you will move\u00a0slowlyyyyy<\/em>. Unlike the slow driver though, it\u2019s not because they can\u2019t step on the gas. It\u2019s just that they are too nice. \u201cNiceness kee them\u201d<\/em>. They are always like \u201cyou get in front of me<\/em>\u201d, \u201cyou also get in front of me\u201d<\/em>, \u201cyou get in front of me\u201d, \u201cin fact, everyone gets in front of me<\/em>\u201d!<\/p>\n When you ask them, they are always on some deep talk about how there\u2019s no where we are rushing to in this life\u00a0yada yada ya<\/em>\u2026<\/p>\n \u201cOga Ade, get out of the way. Me I\u2019m almost late for my US Visa Interview. Ah. Or is it you they sent from the village?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n Nice drivers are fun if you are one of the \u201ccutsies\u201d<\/em>\u00a0though. I always ensure to give them a thumbs up! Thanks, Team!<\/p>\n Commitment Issues<\/em><\/strong>: These ones can\u2019t commit to a lane in traffic. Sometimes, you can\u2019t blame them though. The moment they change to a seemingly faster lane, the lane they moved away from suddenly starts moving. So, they keep switching lanes like it\u2019s going out of fashion. When I have the opportunity, I usually don\u2019t let them back in my space though. \u201cYou didn\u2019t stick with us through the tough times, baby. There\u2019s no room for you here anymore. Bye Felicia!\u201d.<\/em><\/p>\n Honkers<\/em><\/strong>: These ones press the horn for no good reason. You are too close to them, horn! You are driving too slowly,\u00a0pim pim pim<\/em>! Your car suddenly breaks down in front of them, they go\u00a0pam pam pam!<\/em>\u00a0I remember this joke about honkers back in the day. It\u2019s about how they bought the horn before the actual car or something like that. They are just all over the place with the horn.<\/p>\n Curse Word Addicts<\/em><\/strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0These\u00a0<\/strong>ones take no prisoners. Any slight mistake and they take you to the cleaners! Sometimes, they simply use hand gestures if you are not within earshot. A favorite one is to slightly curve your index finger and use it to tap on your temple a few times in quick succession. For me, that\u2019s like the worst thing ever!\u00a0Ah! You mean my head is not correct?!\u00a0<\/em>Or they give you a deadly stare. Those death stares are the most painful. A great hack a friend taught me though, if you commit a \u201ccurse-wordy\u201d offence (pun not intended), just look straight ahead. Whatever you do, don\u2019t look at the other driver. Ever. Sort of like \u201chear no evil, see no evil\u201d.<\/p>\n Moving Clubs<\/em><\/strong>: These ones throw a party on the move. It doesn\u2019t matter if they are going on a two-minute trip or a day trip, the music has to be turned all the way up. They also accompany it with some nice dance moves on the wheels! They can be a delight to watch from another car. But, if you are in the car with them, trying to hold a conversation, this can be an extreme sport!<\/p>\n On-The-Run<\/em><\/strong>: These ones have all sorts of chops in their car. Traffic or no traffic, they are just munching away! With no care in the world. LASTMA will catch you, Aunty!<\/p>\n For the Gram<\/em><\/strong>: These ones take pictures\/make video recordings of everything that happens on the road.<\/p>\n \u201cThis traffic is so terrible! We have been in traffic for 1 hour!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cThe road is so free today o. Yippie!!!!!!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cOh, this keke driver just hit this Range Rover, See Gobe\u201d. etc. etc.<\/em><\/p>\n They make sure they have enough pictures and videos for the Gram. Because you know what they say, if you don\u2019t have evidence, it didn\u2019t happen.<\/p>\n Ogbanje<\/em><\/strong>: These are\u00a0special special<\/em>\u00a0people. God\u2019s very own. My God. I know God made all of us \u201cwonderfully and fearfully\u201d but\u00a0Ogbanje<\/em>\u00a0is uber duper super special!<\/p>\n Here\u2019s what they do:<\/p>\n They are driving slowly (meaning they are the Slow Driver).<\/p>\n The Fast Driver and the Honker are behind them, flashing them to get out of the way.\u00a0Ogbanje<\/em>\u00a0is not moved.\u00a0Ogbanje<\/em>\u00a0does not care.\u00a0Ogbanje<\/em>\u00a0continues in that snail-like movement. Oh my God, the light is about to turn \u201cred\u201d. And trust Mr. Fast Driver, he does not have time for slow motion, he quickly cuts in front of\u00a0Ogbanje<\/em>\u00a0and zooms off.<\/p>\n Oh wait\u2026<\/p>\n Suddenly, all so suddenly,\u00a0Ogbanje<\/em>\u00a0remembers he has a super-duper urgent appointment. He then starts racing after Oga Fast Driver.<\/p>\n Ogbanje kuku\u00a0<\/em>does not suddenly have anywhere urgent to be. He is only just furious that someone had the audacity to cut in front of him. \u201cHow dare you overtake me like that?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n If he is lucky, he goes past Oga Fast Driver and gives the driver a tongue-out or something similar. Ogbanje drivers are the pettiest of people. I mean,\u00a0petty petty petty<\/em>.<\/p>\n Others are\u00a0Car Racers<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0who like racing with total strangers on the road for no reason. \u201cAkin, if you bash Ike\u2019s Mercedes, me I no dey o.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Have you also come across the<\/em>\u00a0Wicked Ones<\/em>?\u00a0<\/strong>Hmm, those ones, if you like cry blood, they won\u2019t let you come in front of them. If trailer\u00a0sef<\/em>\u00a0likes, let it jam you, the wicked ones will just unlook. You people should fear God o.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n What type of driver are you? Let me go first, I have been all these drivers at different times. I mean, ALL (including\u00a0Ogbanje<\/em>). God \u201csafe\u201d us\u2026\ud83d\ude0a.\u00a0Oya<\/em>, which one are you?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Driving in Lagos, especially during rush hour, is an extreme sport. By now, you know I like lists, right? So, here is a list of some of the drivers I\u2019ve seen on Lagos roads. Slow Drivers: These ones just drive slowly. They don\u2019t have anywhere important to be. They just take their\u00a0sweet sweet\u00a0time. Sometimes, you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4538,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4522","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4522","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4522"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4522\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4554,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4522\/revisions\/4554"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4538"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4522"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4522"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heirsholdings.com\/hhpeople\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4522"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}